So recently, I cut my hair very short due to the medication I was on. It was not only hard (pain wise) to keep up my hair the length it was, but it was hard to brush my hair every day and see it come out continuously. I went in and told my hairdresser my situation and sat in the chair as bravely as I could and watched clumps of my hair drop to the ground one by one. I want to say I didn’t care… I want to so badly say that my hair had no meaning to me because it will just grow back etc. but I absolutely cared.
I don’t hate the way my hair looks, but it’s hard for me to look at pictures of myself with my long hair from a few weeks ago. It sounds so stupid, but hair is an important part of someones identity. I tell myself that I am lucky to not be going through something where I have no choice as to what happens to my hair. I am. But I still have the right to miss my hair.
In our society, long hair is “meant for girls” and long hair is “meant for boys”. Before all of this happened, I didn’t believe in that. I believe any human, no matter how they choose to dress or have their hair or ANYTHING, is beautiful. I chose to have my hair long because I liked it that way, not because I felt it needed to be that way. But honestly, scrolling through Instagram and seeing all my friends and girls with this long hair, hurts me a little bit. For me, my hair was the first visible step in this journey showing that things had changed for me.
In high school, I cut my hair short the same way. It was a different feeling though. I CHOSE to have my hair that way. I in some way chose my hair to be short, but there were many medical reasons as to why I chose to cut my hair shorter this time. It’s a constant reminder as to what is going on. My hair is my identity now, and I will grow to love it and handle it, just the way I will grow to handle my new way of life.
I want to write about something a friend did for me. I got a message from a friend a few weeks after I had to cut my hair saying, “Maya, I’m cutting my hair next week in honor of you”. Man, that may seem so simple, but it went a long way. It gave me the bravery and fight that I needed. I will forever be grateful for having such amazing people in my life. Thank you Natalie.
Change can be good.
Thanks for reading,